Gideon Gono’s diamond encrusted iPod

Posted by ZDN on November 5, 2009

Introducing the ZDN Humour Section. We believe there is too much doom and gloom about Zimbabwe online, so from time to time we’ll be posting Zimbabwe related jokes and fun articles.

What’s on Gideon Gono’s iPod?

Does Gono even have an iPod? We don’t know! But we’re speculating that if he does its sure to be a diamond encrusted one VERY SIMILAR to the picture shown.

If you’ve ever wondered what music Mr. Gono listened to while he printed all that money, NOW YOU KNOW.

Drum roll…. We countdown Gideon Gideon’s favourite tracks:

10 – Diamonds on the soles of her shoes, Paul Simon
9 – Diamond Life, Sade
8 – Diamond Dogs, David Bowie
7 – Diamonds and Pearls, Prince
6 – Black Diamond, Kiss
5 – Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend, Marilyn Monroe
4 – Some Days are Diamonds, John Denver
3 – Diamonds are Forever, Shirley Bassey
2 – Jack of Diamonds, Muddy Waters

And the number one track…

1 – I’m a Believer, Neil Diamond

Mr Popular

Bob is concerned that he isn’t popular.

All his staff assure him that he is as popular as ever but he is riven with doubt. So one day he disguises himself as an old lady by dressing up in some of Grace’s less glitzy clothes and sneaks out the back of State House. He walks down to First street finding that Grace’s high heel shoes are far too narrow for his feet which are rapidly blistered.

Once he arrives on First Street he wanders up and down stopping people and asking them “My friend, what do you think of the president?” He discovers that no one wants to say anything about the prez and people rudely push him away. But he perseveres for some time until one man he approaches responds, “Oh, the President, wait a minute.”

The man looks around nervously and then says to Bob, “Come over here.” and starts to head toward an alleyway, Bob follows. When they get to the alley the man is still looking around nervously, eyes darting about, “No, not here, lets go over there.” The man heads deeper into the alley and Bob follows saying “So my friend, the president, what do you think of him?”. The man is still reluctant to say anything for fear of being overheard. “No, come over here” he says and starts walking further down the alley and finally into Second Street and heading further away while Bob follows him bleating, “My friend, what about Robert Mugabe”. Now Graces shoes are killing him and several blisters have burst.

“Shshhhh, come over here” says the man and this continues for a long time and the man is clearly anxious.

Eventually Bob follows the man all the way to the National Stadium on the outskirts of the city, in fact they have to go to the center of the arena before the man feels it is safe to speak. Bob’s feet are on fire and he is clutches the man’s shirt by the collar, “My friend, please tell me what you think of the our president Robert Gabriel Mugabe.

With a last look around and given that there is not a soul to be seen for miles the man relaxes.

Finally he speaks. “Well… actually… I like him!”

———————————————————————————–

Kidnapped

A man is caught in a traffic jam in Harare when suddenly, someone taps on the window of his car. He lowers the window and asks what he wants.

The other man says, “President Mugabe was kidnapped and the ransom is $50 million dollars. If the ransom is not paid, the kidnappers have threatened to douse the President with petrol and set him on fire. We are taking up a collection. Do you wish to participate?”

The man in the car asks, “On average, what are people donating?”

The other man replies, “About 5 to 10 liters”.

———————————————————————————–

Heaven

Mugabe dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and he does not belong in heaven. Mugabe must go to hell. So Mugabe goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home. Then Mugabe notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, “No problem, I’ll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff.” When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked. St.Peter is having lunch – and they start debating what to do. Finally one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage.

As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other,”My word,look at that! Mugabe has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we’re already getting refugees!”

———————————————————————————–

Check out our Zapiro Zimbabwe cartoons section, Spoof movie posters and Snakes of Zimbabwe – A guide to some of Zimbabwe’s more dangerous snakes